Marriage Help for Relational Insecurity
Security in a relationship is the foundation of a healthy relationship. In fact, it is usually a breach in security (actual or perceived), that leads to disconnection. Sometimes we may not even fully recognize that it is the security in our relationship that has weakened causing a lack of communication, not feeling seen or heard, or no longer feeling connected in the relationship. So you might be asking… how do you know if there is insecurity in your relationship? And what can you do to build security in your relationship? Read on to answer these questions and start improving your relationship today.
Indicators of Relational Insecurity:
One significant indicator of insecurity is conversations that turn into conflict without warning. As in you are having normal everyday conversations or interactions that seem like it would be impossible to end up upset with each other and yet somehow it does. Once the conflict starts you may even have a moment of “how did we end up here?!”
Your relationship might also be insecure if there are passive-aggressive comments towards each other. Or comments that might pertain to private information being brought up in social environments. This might look like little quips that are negative or accusatory about interactions that happen at home. Usually what is behind this is a fear of vulnerability. What the spouse is really saying here is, “This happens in our relationship and I am too afraid to tell you how I feel about it when we are at home. But I need you to see and hear me and your response will be limited in a social environment.”
If at times seemingly innocent interactions hurt the feelings of the other spouse. Examples of this might be teasing, talking to other people in a social setting, or forgetting to tell your spouse you will be a little late.
If communication overall is difficult and you cannot seem to get on the same page this might also be an indicator.
What do you do about it?
It starts with being able to identify your own insecurities and where they come from. Are there experiences you had before your marriage that leave you fearful of being rejected by the ones you love? Or have there been interactions in the marriage that have chipped away at your security in the relationship? It could be a mixture of both. Identifying the root of insecurity for both people in the relationship is how we uproot negative patterns in the relationship. It also contributes to a deeper connection. As you turn to your partner, begin to be honest about yourself, and receive care from your spouse your relationship will become more secure and connected.
This sounds so simple, but don’t be surprised if it is more difficult to overcome relational insecurity than you think. Overriding the protective systems of the brain that act even without our knowledge sometimes takes time. We can be thankful that our brain does such a good job of keeping us emotionally safe and it takes repetition and healthy relational interactions to repair. If you find that in the heat of the moment, you and your spouse struggle to implement these healthy interactions, let The Marriage Workshop help you repair your marriage. I will be your guide showing you and your spouse how to communicate with vulnerability and respond with care in a way that creates security.
