Lack of Physical Intimacy in Marriage
When sex and physical intimacy are lacking in a marriage this is something to pay attention to, but it certainly doesn’t mean the marriage is over. If there is disconnection in the marriage emotionally it usually trickles down into the physical relationship as well. However, that may not be the only reason that physical intimacy is lacking in a marriage. When working with couples in counseling there are many aspects to a couples sexual and physical relationship that need to be assessed. Each couple has a different story and a unique map to their relationship but here are some things to know if your sexual relationship with your spouse is not what you would like it to be.
When working with my couples we pay attention to the cycle around their sexual relationship just like we do their emotional relationship. I am more interested in what is happening beneath the surface of the content of the specific situations that couples share with me. This is the cycle, and there are sexual cycles driving physical disconnection just like emotional disconnection. Finding this cycle helps couples have an honest conversation about their sexual relationship. But as always finding this cycle is only half the battle, actually it’s only the groundwork of bringing restoration.
Sexual cycles can get complicated. A lot of people have never taken the time to really organize their thoughts and feelings towards sex, what it means to them as a part of marriage, or worked through any past sexual trauma. All of these things can cause insecurity to the already vulnerable act of having sex. So many times an individual's responses or feelings towards sex have nothing to do with their spouse, or at least it didn’t originally start out that way. We walk into marriage with an already written narrative about sex and if we aren’t talking about this with our partner, a sexual cycle is a huge threat. Maybe not initially but if the relationship experiences distress in other areas sex will soon be impacted.
Lack of physical intimacy is not the deadliest pitfall for a marriage but it certainly is a symptom of the overall disconnection in the marriage. There are many times that the cycle around sex has factors related to your narrative around sex that was formed before your relationship. Organizing and making sense of this narrative as well as the overall disconnection in your marriage is critical.
A good marriage is hard work but done right brings so much fulfillment, joy, and security in life. Let us help you have the marriage you know you are longing for.
