What to Think About When Choosing a Therapist

Going to therapy can feel very vulnerable! It’s a big step to sit in a room with a stranger and dig around in your internal world. But let’s be honest, while I have heard therapy horror stories from clients of past therapy experiences, for the most part people have a good experience. Think about it, you are actually safer to bear your truth with a therapist than most other people in your life, for two reasons. They are bound to secrecy, and trained to be warm, nonjudgemental, and emotionally responsive. 

Some people wonder if the gender of the therapist matters. It’s really up to you. If you have had painful experiences with someone of a specific gender and now feel negative towards all people of that gender, for example if you are female and have had negative interactions with men, and now you notice you feel negatively towards all men, it might be helpful to see a male therapist. Doing this can create a healing experience to help with the way you associate men. It is important to note that seeing someone of the same gender as someone who caused you pain is not always helpful. If you have a traumatic or abusive experience, do not push yourself to see a therapist of the same gender to try to repair the pain caused by the abuser if the thought of it causes you to feel too overwhelmed or anxious.

Alternatively, if you had someone in your life that was really warm like a grandparent or parent, seeing someone of the same gender as that person could help you to form a quicker alliance and be more open with your therapist. It is most important that you feel comfortable and safe with your therapist.

There are a few things that might be good for you to know about your therapist when trying to decide. The first thing being, do they like working with clients that struggle with what you are going to see them for. It is good to know if they have a model of therapy or a structure that they follow when working with clients. Also, how well can they understand you and the world you live in. You can usually get a pretty good idea of this from their bio. Beyond that, their interest in and the way they connect with your story will be a pretty good indicator of this. It is important that while in therapy you feel seen, understood, and heard.