Exercises to Calm Anxious Thoughts

Anxious thoughts can come in a few different forms. It is helpful to label the type of anxious thoughts you are having, we call this “Name it to Tame it.” When we can put a name to something, it becomes more manageable and less overwhelming.

Here are a few different types of anxious thoughts and how to tame them. 

One type of anxious thought is ruminating, which is kind of like dwelling on or picking apart a situation over and over, looking at it from every angle. Most of the time these thoughts never have an ending point or become resolved. It’s kind of like being on a hamster wheel, you think, and think, and think about it but never come to any resolution.  

Ruminating thoughts are usually about finding a cause or a culprit. It’s this idea that if we can figure out how it happened or who’s fault it was, maybe we can figure out how to keep it from happening again. Even worse, we want to know if we are the guilty party and then likely it becomes attached to our view of self. Ruminating isn’t helpful because even though you are picking apart a specific situation, the real answer you are looking for is security in either your relationships or yourself. An answer you won’t find in the content of your situation. Rather than ruminating over a situation, recognize that it might not have anything to do with what happened but rather how you feel about yourself or your relationships.

Another is racing thoughts. These are thoughts that move fast and a lot of times they can have a rabbit trail effect of one thought leading to another, and another, and another and there is little organization and it’s almost like one thought feeds on another and it can get really exhausting. 

Racing thoughts are draining. It’s more than you can keep up with and certainly not able to be organized in a helpful way to help you define your needs. Often what is at the core of racing thoughts is fear. If your mind is racing, rather than let the thoughts run over you, immediately label it as fear and reflect on what you might be afraid of and what you need in the fear. Is it comfort or reassurance? Do you need to reach out so you are not dealing with something alone?

Another is thoughts that are “what if…” in nature and are distressing. Like things that would be scary, hard to get through, or painful. Thoughts about someone close to you dying, tragic accidents, or other tragedies or disasters. The fear of losing someone close to us is dreadful and real for all of us. Loss can feel like we won’t be able to go on. If the threat of loss like this is not a part of your reality in the present, you are robbing yourself of present peace. 

With thoughts like these, acknowledging how painful loss is or could be is acceptance of this reality and not something that should be avoided. I will often encourage clients to play out the dreadful scenario in their head. Allowing themselves to grasp the painful thing they are anxious about feeling, such as losing a child. Think about what it would be like for them, but also to think about others comforting them in their grief, or what it would be like to honor the one they lost. Sometimes our anxiety is more about the fear of what it would be like to be in pain rather than the pain itself. When we have “what if…” distressing thoughts and we allow ourselves to be curious about what that would be like it helps us to feel less anxious about it and gives us a sense that we could get through it even though the possibility is very painful.

Anytime you are having ongoing anxious thoughts, it’s time to slow down. You may have the urge to speed up and try to get away from them, but they always catch up. Slowing down forces you to organize what your needs are and attend to yourself. Helpful practices for slowing down are deep breathing. With every long exhale your nervous system relaxes, and when you take the time to notice the exhale and how good it feels you are teaching your brain to relax. Also light exercises like walking or stretching, will help give you a sense of slowing down and making things more manageable. Reflection and journaling are great tools to allow yourself to be curious and open rather than pushing things down and trying to ignore what you are needing to attend to.