Coping Strategies When Anxiety Hits
Let’s talk about anxiety. Research shows it to be a pretty common experience among Americans, and yet the stigma of this biological process is overwhelming. That being said, it might be helpful to make sense of the experience of anxiety and talk about what to do with it. By the end of this I hope you are able to have some gratitude for anxiety.
Anxiety is the brain's way of letting us know that there is a real or perceived threat. The human design comes with an amazing alarm system designed to protect us both physically and emotionally. Anxiety plays a huge role in the functioning of this alarm system. Our brain is constantly taking in our environment through our senses and evaluating it for possible threat. This process happens automatically, almost without our awareness, as in, you don’t have to think about doing this your body just does it. If the brain senses any kind of danger to our physical body or emotional well-being it sends an alarm throughout our body that causes the body to become hyper-aroused. The experience of anxiety can include physical symptoms like an increase in heart rate, changes in breathing, sensitivity to sounds, tension and impulses to limbs, racing thoughts, lack of sleep, and a decrease in appetite. We might notice when we are anxious we find relationships difficult, we are hard on ourselves, and struggle with being flexible. These symptoms are needed in the instance of actual relational or physical threat, they prepare our body to make quick decisions and ration our physical and emotional resources.
The struggle happens when the anxiety persists beyond the threat and this can happen for a few reasons. The key is isolation, human beings are co-regulators, meaning we were made to find a sense of safety in another. If we experienced distress at some point and did not have anyone to care for us during or after our brain will do everything it can to make sure we don’t experience that feeling again. To be alone in emotional distress is intolerable to the human experience. So our brain becomes hyper-sensitive, it's like a smoke alarm that goes off when we are cooking. The alarm is designed to detect smoke not a fire, our brain works the same way. It will send off alarms if it detects any situation that could possibly lead to emotional distress even if the threat is not actually there.
The second way isolation leads to anxiety is related to shame. If we fear we will be judged or criticized, if we share our distress we will not reach out for co-regulation. There are a lot of opinions about anxiety leaving many people with good reason to not reach out. This is deadly because in isolation, fear and shame only get bigger. It can often even lead people to be anxious about feeling anxious which drives shame even further in pushing us to feel even more hopeless, which pushes us into a cycle of anxiety that is hard to get out of.
Anxiety is a biological process that we need to keep us safe in the world. It is a cue that we need to pay attention to, not feel shame or guilt about. The best response to anxiety is curiosity. Here are some steps to help you with managing anxiety in a healthy way:
When you notice anxiety, begin with acceptance and even gratitude of the anxiety. Your body is trying to tell you something that you need to make sense of. The information behind the anxiety is important to your well being, and anxiety is a biological process that is part of healthy functioning.
Noticing where you feel the anxiety in your body will help you contain it and begin to apply language to the experience. If you are hyper-aroused and your breath or heart rate is elevated, take conscious notice of this and begin taking deep breaths.
When you feel calmer, begin to be curious about where the anxiety is coming from. Take inventory of what the day or last few days has been like for you. Ask yourself what it has been like in your relationships and interactions with other people.
Share it. Find someone you can be open and vulnerable with that won’t try to fix it for you but just let you share about it and experience it in the process. This will help you organize the way you feel, undo the feeling of being alone in your human experience, and silence the shame you might feel.
See a therapist. Some experiences can be more difficult to organize and can be tied to overwhelming experiences from the past that need to be processed. A therapist can help you process past experiences and organize your present experience.
